Writing Your Own Vows: A Gentle Guide
Writing Your Own Vows: A Gentle Guide
They don’t have to sound like poetry to be perfect — they just have to sound like you.
Writing your own vows can feel like the most beautiful idea… until you sit down to do it.
Then suddenly it’s:
“Where do I start?”
“How long should they be?”
“What if I cry… or worse, what if I don’t?”
First things first — take a breath. You don’t have to write a masterpiece. You just have to speak from the heart.
Vows aren’t about being clever or poetic or perfect. They’re about standing in front of your person and saying, this is how I love you — and this is how I choose you.
So here’s a gentle guide to writing vows that feel real, honest, and completely you.
1. Forget the pressure to be profound
This isn’t a TED Talk. You don’t need to drop one-liners or make the crowd weep. It’s okay to be funny. It’s okay to be messy. What matters most is that your vows feel true.
2. Start with what you know
Here are some simple prompts to get the words flowing:
“I knew I loved you when…”
“One of my favourite things about you is…”
“You make me feel…”
“I promise to…”
“Even when…”
“You taught me…”
“You are my…”
You don’t have to use them all. Even choosing two or three can shape something beautiful.
3. Speak in your own voice
Don’t feel like you have to “sound wedding-y.” If you’re naturally silly, be silly. If you’re calm and thoughtful, stay soft. The best vows sound like you’re having a quiet moment together — just with everyone else listening in.
4. Keep it short (ish)
A sweet spot for vows is around 1–2 minutes long. You don’t need to cover every moment of your love story — just speak to the heart of what you’re promising, what you adore, and why you’re standing there.
If you’re both writing vows, aim for a similar length so the flow of the ceremony feels balanced.
5. Read them out loud (to yourself, to your dog and then to me)
This helps catch awkward phrasing or anything that doesn’t quite land. It also gets your nerves used to the sound of your own voice — and reminds you that it’s okay to feel emotional. We can also do a vow run-through if you’d like my input before the big day.
And if you don’t want to write your own vows?
That’s totally okay too. There are lots of beautiful ways to share meaning without writing a word. I can help you choose something simple, sacred, silly, or serious — whatever fits.
Final Thought:
Your vows aren’t a performance. They’re a promise. They don’t need to be fancy. They just need to feel true.
And if you’d like a little help putting yours together — I’ve got you.
I help all my couples shape vows that feel honest, personal, and right. No pressure. No judgment. Just heart.